Now Hiring

Posted in Uncategorized on March 18th, 2013 by admin

The Ministry of Secrets is always striving to improve its staff. In that end, the Ministry would like to solicit applications for the following position.

Please do not apply unless you fulfil all of the requirements.

 

VACANCY-2

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The Incomprehensible

Posted in Uncategorized on March 17th, 2013 by admin

Advice for dealing with The Incomprehensible

The Ministry recommends that all staff familiarise themselves with standard procedures concerning the Incomprehensible. The daily life of a Ministry employee will often include the unusual, the bizarre, and the grotesque; the truly Incomprehensible is much rarer. Nevertheless, all of our employees will, eventually, encounter the Incomprehensible. Read the guidelines. Perform your mind-control exercises. Think of your loved ones, and attempt to ignore the indifferent hostility of the universe.

Always be prepared for the Incomprehensible.

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Waste Disposal

Posted in Uncategorized on March 16th, 2013 by admin

The Ministry has unusual hygiene and recycling requirements. Recycling is crucial. It is part of our duty to protect the environment, lest it be contaminated by radiation, rogue nanobots, ectoplasm, or Cthulhu. Every Ministry employee is responsible for safe and appropriate disposal of waste materials.

This Guide to Bins indicates clearly the labelling for our various waste disposal receptacles.

bins

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[REDACTED]

Posted in Uncategorized on March 9th, 2013 by admin

This was the Ministry’s response to a Freedom of Information query. The Ministry recommends thoroughness.

Redacted Blog

Delivery Boy

Posted in Uncategorized on March 5th, 2013 by admin

It’s not all fun and games working for the Ministry. Some days are demanding and thankless. Rest assured, that whether your job is delivering letters or fighting giant robots, then your contributions as a Ministry employee are invaluable to the task of Defending the Realm.

Zombies

Posted in Uncategorized on September 1st, 2010 by admin

The unquiet dead. They have risen from the grave in search of warm human flesh. They transmit their disease via blood-to-blood or saliva-to-blood contact. They commonly shamble and are uncoordinated. Unfortunately, recent mutations in the ZIV-4 complex have enabled muscular tissue and neural response to increase function, despite necrosis. The idea that zombies move slowly is, increasingly, a deadly preconception.

Techniques for dealing with zombies are well-established. The Ministry of Secrets discontinued its Revenant Research Unit in 1983, partially as a result of the events documented in this filmstrip. Zombies are not considered to be a high-priority issue at this time; however, be aware that a mass infection scenario would be extremely grave and survivable only with extremely heavy losses.

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Dealing With Homo Sapiens Sanguisugens.

Posted in Uncategorized on September 1st, 2010 by admin

It is entirely likely that field agents will encounter these pesky blighters at some point during their careers. Despite valiant efforts, the infestation has never been quite wiped out from Britain; also, new variants migrate from the Continent and parts farther afield regularly.

Concerned souls may be relieved to be informed that Conrad is still safely archived in the Library Stacks.

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Resisting Mind Control

Posted in Uncategorized on September 1st, 2010 by admin

The Ministry’s former Head of Mesmerism delivers some sage advice in this educational clip from 1954. The clip is old; however, the techniques are as relevant as ever. Mind control is increasingly prevalent in the international espionage community these days. It is believed by the Ministry that China alone has more than one thousand adepts of the hypnotic arts.

Mind control is easily countered. Observe.

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Hello worlds!

Posted in Uncategorized on July 6th, 2010 by admin

The Ministry of Secrets would like to cordially invite all of its employees to investigate its new secret intranet site. Here, the Ministry will convey information that will be crucial to the survival of our field agents. Remember, the fate of our agents is the fate of the human race.

The Ministry exists to defend the United Kingdom (and, if necessary, the planet) against threats paranormal, extraterrestrial and supernatural.

God Save the Queen.

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